


What's A Boy To Do

by Autumn_bby



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Muggleborn!Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:21:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24952228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autumn_bby/pseuds/Autumn_bby
Summary: Au - Harry is a muggleborn who grows up in Cokeworth in the 70s with his terrible relatives and meets a young Severus Snape who teaches him about magic.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 11
Kudos: 226





	What's A Boy To Do

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains reference to non explicit sex between the main characters which occurs when they are 16 which isn't underage in my country but I realise it illegal in other countries so just a heads up. Apologies for any grammar mistakes I wrote the whole thing on mobile. Hope you like :)

Harry watched with awed eyes as the young boy that had introduced himself as Severus set a fallen tree branch on fire.

His young mind didn't take much convincing to believe that magic was real. All the fairytales spoke of it, didn't they? Of course it was all real, how could Harry have ever let his Uncle convince him otherwise?

His gaze rose to meet Severus's shining black eyes and watched a grin identical to his own stretch across that pale face.

"That's  _ so cool! _ " Harry enthused. "Show me some'ore." 

Severus said something softly in a different language and Harry's eyes darted about wildly, looking for the magic.  _ There.  _ His eyes caught onto a swirl of leaves that were blowing about in loose coils despite the fact there was no breeze.

Harry laughed in bright peals which startled Severus into a small, pleased smile.

"Now you try." Severus urged. He'd known as soon as he saw the boy appear out of thin air barely five feet from him that he was like him and his mum. A wizard.

Harry was confused. "What do you mean? I can't do magic." He shook his head as if the thought was ludicrous and Severus stared back puzzled.

"Yes you can." He stated. "I just saw you do it a few minutes ago. You weren't here and then suddenly you were." 

"That wasn't magic." Harry explained matter-of-fact. "I'm just...unlucky." he finally settled on with a half-hearted shrug.

Severus decided Harry must be a bit simple. He heard his mum's voice in his head scolding him for using that word. But he wasn't sure what else to think.

"Harry, that was  _ magic.  _ Don't you see? When you haven't practiced magic it comes out in bursts called accidental magic. It happens when you're scared or...or upset about something." Severus struggled to explain it since he wasn't entirely sure of the logistics of it anyway. He had always just known magic for being magic.

"Try do something now, like I did with the twig."

Harry concentrated really hard, though he wasn't sure what he was concentrating on so maybe he was just tensing all the muscles in his body for no reason. He tried to relax and stared intensely at the branch, willing it to catch fire. Several seconds passed and nothing happened.

Harry sighed and gave a sort of resigned smile to Severus. "See? Told you I wasn't magic."

Severus thought about how to explain it better. He got a sudden idea.

"What happened exactly? Before you got here." He asked, wondering if maybe he should bring Harry to meet his mum since she might be able to explain it better. On second thought, he should keep this bright, shining boy far away from the taint of his father.

"I was just running away from my cousin and then suddenly I was here." He shrugged again.

Severus huffed and explained, "No, I meant what were you  _ feeling.  _ Were you scared? Or angry maybe? Did you feel the magic inside you when it happened?" He was frustrated with himself for not being able to explain well enough, and frustrated with Harry for giving up before he'd even really tried.

Harry squinted as he tried to remember.

"Focus on what you felt when it happened." Severus said.

Harry remembered feeling quite content, digging a stick around in the mud, then he'd heard the thump of footsteps behind him that meant his cousin was coming. He'd felt worried since he wasn't alone today, those two boys that always hung around him in the playground and liked to break Harry's glasses were there. He'd started running and was feeling worried that his aunt wouldn't replace his glasses if he broke them again and he was panting really hard with exertion but he didn't dare turn around in case the boys were right behind him and he turned into an alley and he was trapped and then-

There was a crack and Harry opened his eyes in surprise. He was on the other side of the playground from Severus.

Severus was grinning wildly and waving his arms as if Harry wouldn't be able to see him and Harry couldn't help but grin back.

_ Magic.  _ It was easy to feel it now that he knew it was there. He focused on it again and made the squeaky old roundabout turn slowly, and the swings were moving like someone invisible was pushing them and he ran laughing back to where Severus was standing.

Severus was grinning ear to ear. "Told you." He said in the most told-you-so voice ever and Harry laughed some more.

  
  


///

"Freak!" Dudley yelled at him as he sat with Severus under the punching tree with their Hogwarts letters side by side on the grass in front of them.

Severus's hands clenched into fists but it was Harry who stood up and shouted back at Dudley, promising to turn him into a frog if he ever called either of them that again.

They lay back against the grass and talked about Hogwarts, imagining themselves in the same house and the same classes. Severus would help Harry out with potions since he was such a dunce at following instructions and Harry would give Severus all his Defence Against the Dark Arts notes since he found directing his magic easier than Severus.

Severus's mum was taking them both to Diagon Alley next week since Harry's relatives refused to step foot in the wizarding world. They hadn't even met Severus's mum before agreeing that she could take him off their hands for the day.

  
  


Diagon Alley was a bustling world of colour and noise, so different to the dreary grey they were used to in Spinner's end.

Harry's parents had been muggles, killed in a car crash when he was only a year old but if they'd ever left him anything he didn't know about it. Harry's uncle had only agreed to give him money to buy his school supplies after his aunt had argued that at least a boarding school would keep him out of their lives 9 months out of 12. 

He had begrudgingly given Harry just enough to cover the cost of the same second-hand books and robes that Severus was buying too.

Harry knew Severus was unhappy with the second hand goods for some reason, but Harry was just happy to finally own something that hadn't once been Dudley's. 

  
  


///

A month later they were dragging their beaten up old trunks onto the Hogwarts Express.

They found an empty compartment near the back and Harry watched with a detached sort of envy as Severus's mum fussed over him on the platform and made him promise to write to her.

It must be nice to love someone enough to miss them when they aren't in your life anymore. Harry certainly didn't miss the Dursleys. The only person he probably liked enough to miss was Severus, and that was enough for Harry.

They got their wands out, excited to finally be allowed to use them. They practiced setting fire to bits of torn up paper from one of Harry's Muggle notebooks until a disturbance outside their carriage distracted them. Their door was yanked roughly open and two boys with the haughty airs of someone who'd always got what they wanted entered. 

"You don't mind if we take this carriage do you? The rest of the train seems to be quite full you see." Pronounced a boy with black hair and pale skin who was already dressed in his school robes. 

Harry tilted his head. "We're already here. You can join us if you want." He didn't particularly want to share with them but he also didn't want to tell them to bugger off since making enemies before they even got to school seemed like a bad idea.

The boy scoffed and turned to his friend with a disbelieving expression. A small boy with sandy hair who Harry hadn't noticed at first stepped forward from behind them and said importantly, "Do you even know who they are? Do as you're told, scheme." 

Neither Harry nor Severus were from a scheme but he knew without looking that the comment would be hurtful to Severus anyway.

Harry stared at him until he cowered away. "His eyes are so creepy." He whispered to his friends despite Harry being within perfect hearing range.

"Don't bother with them, Peter. Let's go find another carriage, I wouldn't want to get mud on my  _ new _ robes. They cost a fortune to have the family seal embroidered." He looked down his nose at Harry and Severus. "These two don't even look like they're parents can afford to  _ feed  _ them let alone dress them. Is that your father's uniform from the 50's?" He turned back to his mates with a guffaw.

Severus's hands curled into fists and Harry stepped forward with his arms crossed across his chest. 

"Look, I was being nice before 'cause I didn't want to start anything, but if you talk shit one more time I won't hesitate to force you out."

Harry felt his magic burning at the tips of his fingers but forced it back. The boys looked scandalised to hear such language but then burst out laughing all over again.

"Did you hear that Jamie, he's gonna  _ force  _ us out."

"Funniest thing I've ever heard." Cackled the messy haired boy who wore similar glasses to Harry's own. "What're you going to do to us, huh? You barely look old enough to be on the train, midget. Are you going to pull out your big boy wand and shoot a scary spell at us?" He mocked. 

Harry snarled a fierce smile he'd learned from his cousin. "Who said I need to use magic?" And pulled his fist back ready to punch the sandy haired boy standing close to him.

The boy squeaked and pushed the other two out of the carriage. Harry put his arm down and slammed the door shut.

"Pricks." He muttered under his breath.

He sat back down and tapped his fingers rapidly against the tabletop. His magic was still roiling just under his skin and he hadn't learned how to deal with it yet.

Severus's face was pinched and tense, like he was trying to stop himself from crying.

"At least we won't be in their house." Harry said placatingly. 

Severus stared at him in disbelief. "Doesn't it bother you?"

Harry tilted his head. "Doesn't what bother me?"

"Them!" Severus exclaimed, waving his hand at the door, "People treating you like shit!"

Harry considered Severus. He got the feeling Severus wasn't actually talking about the way the boys had spoken to them but about what they'd said.

"I don't care that I have no money." He said carefully, "I only care about you and me. You're all I need." 

Severus stared at him for a long moment then sighed, the tension visibly draining from his body.

He shot Harry a weak smile. "If you say so."

///

  
  


"Slytherin!" Called the Sorting Hat and Severus walked towards the table on the far right with his head held high. Harry was already waiting there for him, grinning ear to ear and clapping as loud as he could.

Severus smiled and slid into the seat beside him.

"Told you." He whispered to Harry.

Harry rolled his eyes but didn't say anything else as the last few names were called.

He didn't tell Severus that the hat had almost put him in Gryffindor and he'd had to argue his way into a spot at the Slytherin table.

They chose beds right next to each other's in the Slytherin dormitory and grinned at each other across the two foot gap between them as they lay in bed that night.

///

"Look James, it's Snivellus and his creepy guard dog. How's the dark arts training going today?" Sirius Black taunted as they crossed the grounds to the greenhouses. Harry rolled his eyes and tugged Severus away, casting a middle finger back at the boy's but otherwise ignoring them.

That unfortunate train meeting in first year seemed to have sparked a rivalry between the Gryffindor boys and Harry and Severus.

Most of the time it only involved a bit of back and forth, but sometimes they like to try and goad Severus into a fight which usually meant Harry had to get involved to even it out.

Harry thought Severus slightly resented the fact that he couldn't take them both on at once and needed some kind of back up.

Despite not being in the same house as them they seemed to constantly run into the two boys, and sometimes Peter and that quiet kid that had more scars than Harry and Severus combined, although they didn't look much like the familiar welts left behind by a belt.

Harry didn't really care. He only cared about him and Severus.

///

The summer between 3rd and 4th year, Harry and Severus took up smoking. They'd become friendly with a couple of older boys who went to the local comprehensive and they'd introduced the boys to leather jackets, steel toed boots and cigarettes. 

It was an especially dashing look on Harry, Severus thought with his wild curls and killing curse green eyes. He looked tough with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth in a way Severus never would.

They were invited to a few nights out with those boys, mostly sitting in overgrown parks drinking cheap cider out the bottle. It was nice, Harry thought. Pretending to be normal. He supposed this is what his life would have been like if he'd never met Severus, or if they'd never received their Hogwarts letters.

///

In the summer between 4th and 5th year, Severus's dad caught Severus with his tongue down a local boy's throat round the back of the pub and beat him so hard he couldn't leave his house for a week.

When Harry realised what had happened he went off in a way he hadn't since he was a child, unable to control the magic burning under his skin.

He kidnapped Severus from his parent's home and hid him away in the Dursley's spare room with him. It wasn't difficult, considering they still used the cat flap they'd had installed in his second year to push his meals through so they never even knew Severus was there.

They snuck out the window every night to meet up with the boys they'd befriended the summer before, although the boy Severus had been caught snogging was suspiciously absent.

They tried all manner of drugs that were offered to them, laughing at the way the world morphed and talking about magic in riddles that the Muggle boys shrugged off as drug induced nonsense.

Harry was glad to lose his virginity to a cute, black-haired muggle girl who was older than him and just as eager to rid herself of her virginity.

He never told Severus, but then Severus hadn't told him about Steven until he'd had to find out what happened from his teary-eyed mother.

  
  


///

By fifth year the jeering and taunting had taken a more sinister turn and Harry had taken to escorting Severus everywhere, even to the bathroom. The Gryffindor boys seemed to know where they were all the time and Harry was suspicious that they'd attached some kind of undetectable tracking charm to their robes.

The last straw came after O.W.L.s when Harry and Severus were going over their answers by the lake.

James and Sirius sauntered over with Peter trailing behind them like a puppy.

Harry forced himself to stay seated while James mocked their poverty and called them dark wizards.

He didn't even turn his head in their direction when they asked what sort of evil sex magic they'd tried out and whether Severus would ever find a hair potion strong enough to strip the grease from his hair. 

But then James got his wand out, obviously not happy that his taunts were going unheard and then suddenly Severus was upside down in the air, his wand on the ground 5 feet away. 

Harry lunged for James, getting in a good few punches and feeling satisfied when he heard his nose crunch beneath his fists. They were yanked apart by a spell and both given detention but Harry just smirked and smeared the Gryffindor's blood across his face as he wiped his own bloody nose.

The Gryffindors didn't bother them for a while after that, but Severus began going off by himself at all times of the day and night and Harry started to worry that he was off studying dark hexes in the library as revenge.

Severus assured him he needn't worry. 

"It's just political meetings. I was invited by a couple of boys in the year above. There's this new guy, the Dark Lord they call him. He's got some pretty radical ideas."

Severus seemed quite taken with him but Harry wasn't interested in politics, and especially not in a man who called himself 'the dark lord', like seriously?

///

The summer between 5th and 6th year, Harry had a revelation. He sat close enough to brush shoulders with Severus when they were gathered in the park drinking and allowed himself to lean in even closer, using drink as an excuse.

He watched the way Severus's chest would rise and fall while he slept on the nights he needed away from his parents and willed his arm to stay on his side of the bed and not wrap around Severus's waist like it wanted to.

He played with the long black hair that he was growing out. It was almost long enough to plait and Harry spent endless summer days carding his fingers through soft locks and daring himself to spill his feelings.

  
  


"I like you." He said it softly, simply, staring into the obsidian eyes of his best friend as they lay together on the grass in the old park, high as kites but slowly coming down.

  
  


Severus stared at him in contemplative silence and whispered back, "Are you sure?" 

Harry nodded, moving his hand slowly across the tiny distance between their bodies to tuck a stray piece of hair behind Severus's ear.

Neither of them moved for a few moments longer, but then Harry gathered up all the Gryffindor courage he had in him and pulled Severus's face forward, closing the distance between their lips with a pleased sigh.

Their mouths moved together and Harry breathed in the scent of cigarettes and Severus and twisted his fingers in his long black hair to pull him closer.

They kissed and kissed until they could no longer feel the dampness seeping into their clothes through the grass and Harry, emboldened with happiness reached a hand forward and ran it lightly over the front of Severus's trousers. 

Severus made a breathy gasp and pushed forward into Harry's hand. 

It was too dark to see properly and Harry clumsily undid Severus's jeans with shaking fingers until he could feel his whole length through the thin fabric of his underwear.

He stroked and rubbed up and down until Severus could no longer kiss him, panting his completion into the side of Harry's mouth.

He clumsily returned the favour and Harry didn't even care that they were outside in plain view of anyone with good enough eye sight in the dark. He didn't think anything had felt better than Severus's fingers against his fabric covered cock. It was glorious just knowing they belonged to Severus.

Harry came quickly and they kissed some more until they had to go home and wash the grime off manually since they weren't old enough to use magic outside of school yet. 

It was starting to get light as they made their way silently down the main street, sharing a cigarette and brushing hands and shoulders as they walked. 

They stopped at the halfway point between their houses and Harry took a long drag of the cigarette as he stared at Severus in the dawning light. 

Severus pulled him in again for a parting kiss that almost turned into something more until the cigarette burned down to Harry's fingers and he pulled away.

///

"I love you" Harry gasped into the skin of Severus's neck as he pushed into his arse gently. 

He reared back to stare down at Severus's screwed up eyes and leaned forward to kiss the escaped tears off his cheeks.

"I love you." He breathed as he pounded into his lover again and again.

"I love you, I love you, I love you."

Severus couldn't say anything as he clutched bruises into Harry's shoulders. His breath hitched with every brush against his prostate and he kept releasing embarrassing noises that only seemed to spur Harry on. 

When they were both sated they lay tangled together on Harry's bed in the Slytherin dormitory. Harry played absently with Severus's hair, now almost halfway down his back, and Severus felt safe enough in the silence to whisper back a soft, "I love you." 

Harry smiled and kissed the top of his head as he stroked across Severus's shoulder with his thumb.

  
  


///

  
  


Severus had heard talk of a tattoo that the 'dark lord' was giving to the innermost members of his group.

Harry laughed. "What would you want to do that for? He probably won't even be around in 10 years time. D'you really want a reminder of some political group you joined as a teenager on your arm forever?"

It wasn't a passing phase, he said. The dark lord would come out on top and start a new world order.

  
  


"Don't you see Harry? He's going to change the world." Severus ranted, eyes fervent and glassy like he'd been put under a spell.

For a moment, Harry wondered if he had been.

  
  


///

Although James Potter's little group had been keeping away during September of their 7th year, they always took the time to spew violent expletives and jabs at Severus and Harry when they passed them in the corridors.

Half the school seemed preoccupied with the state of affairs and Harry was finding it hard to ignore.

He'd always managed so far, stating that he  _ 'didn't care for politics'  _ and that was that.

He finally took Severus up on his offer to attend one of these political meetings led by the 'dark lord'.

Harry sat through an hour of ramblings and heated discussions between members and onlookers until finally, the man himself arrived.

He was sort of charming and he spoke with conviction and a disarming amount of passion that made it easy for Harry to see how Severus had become enamoured with him so quickly.

When they got back to school, Severus was eager to hear what Harry thought.

"Well," he started, unsure how to voice his unease, "He's certainly passionate about change." 

Severus nodded, eyes alight as he agreed, "Right? He's going to clean up the government once and for all, Harry, you'll see. He's going to wipe out the corruption and instate powerful wizards who are loyal to the cause. No more bribery and bureaucracy."

Harry didn't want to dampen his enthusiasm but he had a strangely bad feeling about this dark lord and he'd never been one to ignore his instincts.

"Loyal to  _ him _ , you mean. It kind of sounds like a cult." Harry pointed out with a frown.

Severus stared at him for a moment and then his expression became guarded in a way it never did around Harry.

"You don't think he's right?"

"I think he's very persuasive." Harry said carefully, "But Severus, it's more like he wants to start a dictatorship. Merlin's sake he sounds like Grindelwald-"

"Grindelwald was a murdering lunatic! The Dark Lord is a political opponent. He doesn't want to kill muggles, Harry, he just wants to put them in their place. Don't you think it's about time we get rid of the statute of secrecy? You think we should hide and cower from our inferiors? If muggles knew about wizards then situations like my parents' would never happen! My mother is a powerful witch from a good family, but she's been beaten into submission by a muggle! Did you know he took her wand away from her? She's been reduced to living like common-"

"Severus, I know." Harry cut in bluntly. It wasn't that he couldn't sympathise with Severus, of course it was shit that his mum was stuck in an abusive relationship with a man who just so happened to be a Muggle. But magic should never,  _ ever  _ be used against a Muggle. It was like pointing a gun at an unarmed man. What Severus was suggesting-

He had that self-righteous look in his eye that Harry knew meant there was no reasoning with him. 

"Severus your dad doesn't represent a whole people. There are good and bad people everywhere. And do you honestly believe that muggles are our  _ inferior  _ simply because they never received a certain mutation at some point in their very ancient past that would have given them magic? Because that's all it is Severus - DNA. They're still  _ people _ just like you and me."

Severus growled in frustration and stomped over to his bed.

"I'm not  _ saying  _ that they're not people, I just think they should- urgh, I don't even know! My father should be kissing the ground my mother walks on. He's a bastard and he deserves to die for  _ daring _ to treat a witch like she was common scum. My mother is a  _ Prince _ ."

Harry rolled his eyes skyward and sighed heavily. Of course it all came down to this.

"Severus," he began as gently as he could while the simmer of anger under his words made itself known in the way the magic was moving inside him. "Your mother made a choice to leave her family and marry your father. She was young and in love and sometimes that makes people foolish. But it's not for you to say whether she made the right or wrong choices in life. All you can do is be better than your father and make sure you treat the people you love right."

Harry hoped Severus had calmed down enough to hear him out.

"Sirius Black was thrown out of his family home for not following their beliefs - those are the types of people this 'dark lord' wants to instate in positions of power and authority. Severus, my relatives and your dad - they're not bad _because_ they're muggles or _because_ we're wizards, they're just _bad_ _people_. Just like Sirius's family are _bad people_. It's got nothing to do with whether or not magic runs in our veins."

They were silent for a while and Harry hoped Severus was thinking over what he said. He sat down on the edge of Severus's bed and picked at a loose thread until he replied.

"I hate him for what he's reduced her to. I want him to see that he's not even fit to soil the ground she walks on."

Harry pulled him into his side and set his fingers to scratching gently behind his ear.

"I know." He whispered into long black hair. "But do you hate him because he's a Muggle or do you hate him because he's just a bastard to your mum?"

Severus was silent for a long time and when Harry looked down he had fallen asleep.

///

Harry hoped he was wrong, but he couldn't help the tendril of anxiety curling in his stomach. Severus had continued going to the meetings despite Harry's misgivings.

But he was starting to stay out later, and was becoming more and more secretive about what was happening and Harry had a bad feeling. 

The other Slytherins had begun to give him the cold-shoulder in public, while in private they shredded his belongings and hissed violent curses that were just on this side of legal. Severus was barely around as it was and even when he was there he was distant and stand-offish.

They had another argument in October and Harry was really not in the mood for it.

  
  


"Muggles are  _ polluting  _ our bloodlines, Harry! The magic is leaking out of the old families for good and instead we're getting all these mudblood replacements for what should rightfully remain in the old wizarding lines!"

Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing. His boyfriend had been  _ brainwashed -  _ that was the only explanation!

"I can't believe you just fucking said that to me. In case you've forgotten Severus Snape,  _ I'm _ a mudblood. My parents were muggles-"

"But you don't actually know that, do you?" Severus cut in. "You never met them! Your aunt and uncle could have hidden away your heritage for years and led you to believe you were muggleborn-" 

"Oh my God, Severus are you serious? Stop it! There is no fucking conspiracy!" Harry felt close to tears for the first time in years. "Jesus, is that what you've been deluding yourself into thinking all these years? That my parents were secretly wizards and I just never knew? Is that the only way I'll be good enough for you?"

Severus spluttered with wide eyes and a slack jaw but he never once tried to deny it and that hurt Harry more than anything else he said.

Severus finally settled on "You can't ever hope to understand-"

"You're right. I don't understand." Harry argued with tears in his eyes. "I don't understand what's happened to you. I don't understand why you suddenly think I'm worth less than anybody else because of my parents. I'd have expected you of all people to not judge anyone by their parents." 

Severus called him back when he walked away but Harry had had enough. He didn't want to hear anymore. At least, not right now.

  
  


///

  
  


They had the same argument again in the middle of November. 

  
  


"My parents were  _ ordinary  _ muggles and they died in an  _ ordinary Muggle car crash!  _ My relatives didn't hate me because I was magic, they treated me like shit before they ever knew about wizards!"

Harry clenched his jaw and tried to remember that this was his best friend he was talking to.

"Do you think I should be stripped of my _wand_ , and my _rights_ and my _magic_ simply because I had Muggle parents _?  _ Is this  _ mudblood  _ not enough for you anymore? Because I already know that I don't need magic to be happy. I had everything I ever wanted in you."

Harry felt the tears he'd been holding back for weeks finally fall down his face.

  
  


Severus regretted ever opening his mouth. He didn't even really care about the other stuff, not really, he just wanted justice for his mother, he wanted to prove himself worthy of the magic running through his veins, of the surname he could never claim. Of course he hadn't meant  _ Harry  _ when he was talking about mudbloods. 

But, he supposed he did in a way. If the Dark Lord got his way then Harry would have been one of many children in Britain having strange things happen when they were hurt or upset that they could never explain. He would never have received a Hogwarts letter. 

But still. He didn't understand.

"You don't understand."

"I don't think I _want_ to." Harry cried. He felt his heart break into two but Severus was just sitting there doing nothing. As if this wasn't hurting him at all. Harry slammed the door shut behind him and the finality of it only made him cry harder.

///

Harry was content with spending the rest of 7th year studying, and decidedly  _ not  _ thinking about Severus. 

Harry had finally had to wake up and start paying attention to the war that was brewing right under his nose when Dumbledore had offered to extend the protection of his resistance group to him and his family.

Harry had never really spoken to anyone besides Severus during their school years, so it became painfully obvious when he was absent.

Harry avoided Severus as long as he could and even went so far as to sit with the Gryffindors in their shared classes. Harry never got into politics, but he was taking a stand now. He was choosing the other side of a war that he'd never even noticed was brewing.

The abuse from his house worsened as they noticed the obvious line Harry had drawn between them. He'd taken to never walking alone in the corridors and was grateful when a group of Gryffindor girls he'd only spoken to in passing offered to escort him between his classes.

Severus wouldn't even look at him, and Harry was relieved in some small part of his heart. He wasn't sure he would be able to keep his feelings off his face.

  
  
  


Two days before the winter holidays, Harry overheard Regulus Black saying that Severus had been offered a position in the Dark Lord's inner circle.

With only two days to the Christmas Holidays, Harry knew Dumbledore would allow him to return home early by floo if he had a good enough reason.

This was why Harry never got into politics. He'd known for a long time that he and Severus had completely different outlooks on life, but he'd always assumed they could overcome them, like they'd overcome everything else together.

But this was something entirely different. This was Severus choosing a bloodthirsty _maniac_ over Harry, and their friendship, and the future they could have had.

  
  


///

  
  


The day the winter holidays started, Severus came barging into his work. Harry had got himself a seasonal job working as a till boy to try and save some money so he had somewhere to live when he left school.

"You weren't on the train." Severus accused without so much as a  _ hello. _

Harry didn't look away from the shelf he was stocking.

"Hey," Severus snarled and grabbed at him. Harry yanked his arm away with a glare that didn't hide the tell-tale glassiness of his eyes.

Severus backed up a step, shocked. "What-"

"Did you get it then?" Harry spat. He couldn't believe he'd ever thought this boy would never betray him. 

Harry felt like the world was spinning on its axis and he was the only one struggling to keep his balance.

"Get what?" Severus asked carefully.

Harry scoffed. He finished shelving the last of the beans and said quietly, "You know exactly what I mean. We can't talk about this here." 

He marched back jnto the warehouse and didn't look back. He didn't think he could keep the emotions off his face.

On his way home that night he saw Severus sitting on one of the rusty swing sets in the park.

He silently took the one beside him and let his feet rock him back and forth gently.

Severus pulled back his sleeve and his arm was the same familiar stretch of pale skin it always was. Harry let out a sigh of relief and with it, felt the crushing weight in his chest lift slightly.

"I still don't like muggles." Severus said eventually. "I still hate my dad. I'm still going to kill him one day, if the drink doesn't get to him first."

Harry nodded. "Okay." He said simply. He hated Severus's dad almost as much as Severus himself did. 

  
  


Harry didn't want to say anything else because he wasn't sure he had enough energy left for another argument.

"I'm sorry." Severus finally said. Harry didn't look at him.

"I was such an arse and I...I don't even know why. I got so caught up in it all and I didn't see it for what it was until…"

He sighed and twisted in his swing to face Harry. 

"Harry, I need you to know that- that you  _ are  _ enough for me- not just enough! You're everything to me. When you weren't around anymore I was...it was like half of me was _missing_. I love you Harry, I've loved you since we were kids and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. I don't care that your parents were muggles and there's not...I can't see a future without you! I don't want to  _ be  _ in a future without you."

Severus swallowed and looked back at the ground. "I'm sorry I said all that shite about muggleborns. About, you know, not deserving to come to Hogwarts. I just...there's no excuse. I was such an arsehole to you and I really...I'm sorry."

They were silent for a few minutes and Harry let the bastard stew for a while.

But of course Harry's stupid treacherous heart still belonged to him. Still ached for him and loved him despite everything.

  
  


He finally sighed and stepped off his swing. He could feel Severus looking at him but he didn't want to give in just yet.

He held his hands out for Severus to take and they walked hand in hand back to the park with the punching tree where it had all started and sat down in the grass underneath. Severus cast a warming charm and Harry gaped at him. 

"You're not of age yet!" He realised his mistake immediately and turned his face away with a quiet huff that could almost be a laugh.

"It's only a few weeks, what can they do?" Severus replied softly.

Harry leaned back slowly and stretched out on the ground.

His hands eventually found the frayed edge of Severus's t-shirt and he pulled gently. Severus got the hint and lay down beside him, turning on his side to see him clearly in the sunset.

"I missed you." Harry whispered when it had been silent for a long time.

Severus stared at Harry forlornly with his starry black eyes and replied just as quietly, "I missed you too." 

Harry plucked at pieces of grass and eventually sighed. "You really hurt me." He said quietly. "And that'll probably take a long time to go away."

Severus nodded but didn't say anything. He'd said everything already.

"I'm still upset. But...I'm willing to accept your apology. I want to fix this Severus. I want to fix us. Because I still see a future with you in it."

They lay there for hours after as Harry spoke softly into the skin of Severus's neck and Severus apologised for every hurt he'd caused. He planned on atoning for the rest of their lives.

///

They heard about the Longbottoms shortly before Harry's 21st birthday. They were tortured into insanity and their son was squirreled away by Dumbledore's Order in the middle of the night, like a package being moved location.

James Potter fled the country with his wife and newborn, all the way to America if rumour was to be believed for fear of being the next target. Harry couldn't blame them.

  
  


Sirius Black was killed by his best friend Peter Pettigrew and God only knew where Lupin had run off to. He'd be in America with James if he had any sense.

Harry curled up against Severus's side and closed his eyes as he listened to the fireworks going off non-stop outside. 

It was official. The Dark Lord was dead. The world rejoiced and Harry finally felt safe.

///

"Lily, come here baby." Severus called from the back porch. 

A giggling 4 year old ran up to him and he smiled as she hugged his neck. 

"Daddy needs to go put the tea on petal, so I need you to stay inside where I can keep an eye on you until Papa comes home."

He set her down by the toy box in the sitting room and left the kitchen door open while he cooked.

It wasn't long before he heard the front door open and close and the pitter patter of bare feet against wooden floors as Lily ran to greet her dad.

Harry came in with his daughter on his hip and greeted his husband with a smile and a kiss.

He let Lily play with his untameable curls and slumped against his husband's side with a weary sigh.

"The kids driving you nuts?" Severus asked with a small smile.

Harry nodded silently against his shoulder and watched Severus's deft fingers chop and slice and add things to a big pot that was beginning to smell divine. 

"I thought it was my turn to cook tonight?" Harry murmured accusingly.

Severus shrugged. "I enjoy it. And I've been craving hot pot all day."

Harry hummed and put Lily down so she could return to her toys.

"I love you." He said, pressing a kiss to his husband's shoulder and settling himself against his side. 

  
  


"I love you too, Harry."


End file.
